Friday, March 13, 2009

The Etiquette of Giving

I recently had someone ask me about trading, giving and so on.  I was asked if it was ok if you were sent a gift such as a chart or kit that you would never stitch, if it was ok to send it on to another stitcher for a trade, give away, RAK or whatever.  

My response was that I don't mind at all if someone gives something like that to someone else.  Now if I give them something that I stitched for them or made for them and they give that away, that might upset me a bit because that item was made for them.  But I don't see anything wrong with giving charts, kits, material and things like that to other people if you won't use it.  I would actually like for it to be given to someone else who might use it!  I also said that I would not mind if I had given a chart or kit to someone and they ended up putting it on their for sale or trade list.  I think that is great because then it will give another stitcher a chance to get an item they may not normally be able to get or maybe it is something they are looking for and have not been able to find else where.  

So, now I would like to know how everyone else feels about it.  Is it ok for someone to give something you gave them to someone else?  Would it bother you?  Just thought I would get a response from other stitchers to see how they feel about it!

Thanks for stopping by!
Happy Stitching,
Cindy Mae

19 comments:

Natasha said...

I fell like you do on the subject. As long as the item was not a gift made for them then I dont mind if they sell it trade it or give it away.
Natasha

CJ said...

I feel exactly as you do. As long as it is not a gift made specifically for that person then I do not mind what thye do with what I send to them.

CJ

Lynn said...

Well let's see now?? I feel if you spent the time to make a gift ...the person you made it for should appreciate the time you spent and keep the gift. If I had patterns/kits I know I'd never use I'd be happy to pass them along to someone who might use them. More room to add to MY stash that way! Ha! I can understand any designers getting upset with someone who would buy the designers copywrited designs and then scan to give away copies scanned on the computer to pass on to friends etc. That's always a definate NO NO. But I feel if I buy that design in a LNS it's mine to do as I choose with. Give it as a gift or whatever as long as those copy writes aren't infringed on.

xstitcher07 said...

I agree that if it is a handmade item, then I would be offended if I saw it had been "regifted". But someone passing a pattern onto someone else that I gave them is another thing. I have NO problem if someone does that. Many times in exchanges I get patterns and kits that I know I won't use. So what are my options? Keep them and not use them, throw them away, give to Goodwill or share with someone I know will use it? My choice is to share with someone I know will use it! And I hope others will do the same if I give them something they won't use.

Shebafudge said...

I have to agree with you all. I would rather someone was using a chart/kit but would be deeply offended if I had made something for someone.

Daffycat said...

I'm with you, if you receive a chart or kit you won't stitch...pass it on. But trash my stitching and I'll hunt you down!

Shelleen said...

I agree with everyone. If you are not going to use it and we all know how our tastes change in the years, why not pass it on.

Shari said...

if it was a handmade gift, I probably wouldn't, but anything else, yup, I know I have!

Sandy said...

I feel the same way you feel Cyndi. If you can't use it why hold on to it.

Ann said...

Pass on charts, books, duplicates, even threads and notions. Keep specially-made gifts, even if you don't like them - someone went to a lot of trouble to create that with you in mind.

The one thing I would do, though, is make sure the person it is being passed to understands it is a regifting (unless, of course, the item is in pristine, store-bought condition). There are those who would feel offended to think they had received 'used goods'.

Not me - I shop at Goodwill all the time. My husband runs one ..... {G} (No, there's no employee discount.)

Yoyo said...

The key is in the giving, don't give -- or make it -- because it is something YOU like, give something you know the recipient will like, people do not usually re-gift items they enjoy displaying in their own homes, especially when they can proudly exclaim, "So and so made this just for me, isn't it just perfect for me." If the recipient looks at the item and says, "So and so made this, and it is beautiful, I've never seen such gorgeous stitching, but it's...it's....it's just not ME." Then what right do you (the giver) have to say she shouldn't find that beautiful item a loving home? Once we put restrictions on our gifts they are no longer truly 'a gift' but rather 'a bribe', "You should like me because I made this beautiful item." Sorry, I have to disagree with you all on this one. I would much rather have my hand made 'gift' in the perfect home than in the bottom of the spare room closet gathering dust. That said, I have never re-gifted something that was made for me. Most stitchers do try to make things they know I will like....but someday, I expect someone will give me something that is "just not Me" and I'll be forced to practice what I preach and regift it....but hopefully not any time soon.

Meari said...

I have no issues with someone giving away, trading, or selling a chart I RAK'd to them. I would probably be offended if I found out someone threw my stitching in the trash, and would rather them give it back to me if they didn't like it.

Chars said...

If I take the time and effort to make someone a gift - I normally only do so with the recipient in mind knowing that that person will love and treasure it because I made it. I guess this applies to family and friends and I would be deeply hurt and offended if they ever sold, gave it away etc.

If it was for an exchange and I didn't know the person and it didn't fit with the person that I gave it to... as long as they said thankyou and appreciated the time and effort that I placed into making it - then I wouldn't mind if they gave it to someone that they knew would appreciate it.

As for charts etc... Lets face it - You are either going to stitch it or you are not - there is no point it laying in the bottom of a drawer for years when someone could be creating it and enjoying making it come alive.

Ashley (The Euphoric Stitcher) said...

As for giving away a chart or kit, etc. that you received as a gift, I see nothing wrong with that. If you aren't going to stitch it, it would be better to give it to someone who would!

On the subject of an actual stitched piece. I would be devastated if someone gave away something that I had put so much love and time into. That is why most of the things I stitch, stay with me. I only stitch things for very close friends and family. Or for someone I know will appreciate the time and effort.

Beth said...

I say pass it on to a stitcher who will use it. I love trading, RAK'ing, and gifting.

Carolyn NC said...

I agree with all that you said, except for one thing. If I give someone a chart/gift and they would like to pass it on - fine, no problem. However, I'd like to keep the spirit of the gift and hope they would give it to someone else, rather than sell it - just seems a little mercenary. They didn't pay for it to begin with, why not pass it on as a gift? It's not a big deal, just seems nicer. :)

mainely stitching said...

I don't mind if people give away supplies, like you say, but I have been upset in the past if people give away/misuse/don't use handmade gifts.

jennastitches said...

I agree with you. However, if it is something I stitched for them and they really don't like it, I would prefer for them to give it to someone who will love and enjoy it. I want my work to bring happiness, not guilt on having to keep something they don't like as to not hurt my feelings. The only thing that would upset me would be if they sold it.

Ranae said...

Trade the charts or notions, etc. But handmade items... plase to give back or to maybe someone who you know will enjoy it.